Wings That Used to Hold Me Up
by thegreatcaswinchester
Summary: Just a look at a headcanon of mine where Gabriel and Castiel were friends and brothers long, long ago. Gabriel left Castiel after Lucifer's fall, and they meet up years later inside a warehouse with the Winchesters in the middle of their reunion. Fic based around headcanon of before the show began, a brief bit of Castiel's time with Sam and Dean in seasons 4 and 5 up to 5x8


I know, I haven't updated in so long! But boom. And a change, it's a Supernatural fic. Anyway. This was inspired by the gaze that Castiel and Gabriel share at the end of the episode Changing Channels. It just seemed to me that there was unresolved feelings there, so I made a fic to expound on it. Kinda hastily written, but here you go. As always, Reviews are appreciated. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy!

* * *

Gabriel looked at the fledgling angel, walking and stumbling with his too big wings. His father had begun to create more angels lately, but none of them had yet had the courage to approach their Archangel brethren. Gabriel stretched out his wing, brushing it against the young angel's gently. The fledgling jumped a bit, unaware he'd been caught trying to sneak closer to Gabriel. "Come here, you," Gabriel said to him. The little one bounded forward, excited that Gabriel chose to talk to him. "What's your name?" Gabriel asked.

"Castiel," the younger one said, his voice still child-like but strong. Gabriel smiled. He liked this one already.

"I'm Gabriel. Nice to meet you little brother." Castiel grinned, then sat near Gabriel. The Archangel laughed to himself. He has guts, he thought. I think I'll keep him around.

* * *

"Castiel," Gabriel called out to the large group of angel fledglings. Castiel stood up, excited to see his big brother come to hang out with him. He winged over quickly, landing with a bit more grace than he'd had the last few tries. Gabriel steadied him, laughing. "Come on, I want to show you something."

"What is it, Gabriel?" Castiel asked eagerly.

"Well, if I told you, it would ruin the surprise, wouldn't it?" Gabriel grabbed Castiel's smaller hand tight, winging them both away from the jealous stare of Castiel's fledgling partner.

The two angels came to a stop on a beach in the earthly realm. "Well, here we are!" Gabriel announced grandly to Castiel. The younger angel smiled, looking eagerly around at the deserted beach for something fun. Gabriel always had something fun to make his too serious younger brother smile.

Castiel huffed, then looked at Gabriel. "What's so special about this place? There's nothing fun here."

Gabriel rolled his eyes, then pointed his younger brother's eyes toward the water gently lapping at the shore. "Just watch. You're about to see something more grand than anything I or any of our brothers have shown you yet." He took a step back, letting Castiel look at the ocean alone.

Castiel stared intently at it, a soldier's stare. Gabriel worried for his younger brother. He was created to be a warrior of God, their father. But Gabriel didn't want the young angel to lose his wonder at a world their father was creating for him to protect. He didn't want to see his little brother lose his smile or humor. Because it always seemed to happen to the warrior angels in the Garrisons, repressing joy so they could be better at the job, only letting loose when they were back in Heaven.

Gabriel's thoughts were interrupted by Castiel's excited cry. "Look, brother! Something's crawling out of the water!" Castiel gazed at it, enraptured.

He started toward the fish, but Gabriel held him back by putting an arm around his shoulder. "Don't step on that fish, Castiel," he said. "Big plans for that fish.

They both stood quietly, watching as the fish made it's determined way out of the water and across the beach, venturing for the first time into the world beyond where it was born. Having no idea of the plans in store.

* * *

Castiel could remember the day Lucifer rebelled. That fish he and Gabriel had watched crawl out of the water had evolved into these homo sapiens, and father wanted he and his brothers to worship this human kind. To love them more than they loved their father. Castiel would do it without complaint. It was their father's order after all. But Lucifer. The Archangel Castiel feared to approach because he was so mighty, so beautiful, the most grand. If he was afraid of his brothers he'd be afraid of Lucifer. And the great Archangel told father that he didn't want to love these humans. And father has given the order for Michael to cast Lucifer into a cage in Hell. He could hear the fighting between Michael and Lucifer from far off in Heaven, and he and Uriel cowered alone as the two greatest Archangels battled it out.

Eventually the crashing ended, and the news spread fast that Michael had indeed cast Lucifer down, that Lucifer had fallen from grace. The very idea of falling for anything was inconceivable to Castiel. And he was terrified that Lucifer had done it. Though Heaven was still in chaos, order was being restored by Raphael and Michael. Castiel ran off in search of the one person he knew would help him get over his fear of Lucifer, make everything seem okay again. But no matter where he looked or how he called, he couldn't find Gabriel anywhere. Castiel slumped to the ground, holding his head in his hands. He couldn't find his big brother anywhere.

As the chaos was finally completely quieted and Heaven settled, Castiel still couldn't find Gabriel anywhere. Word spread across Heaven that he'd gone missing. And though they searched Heaven and Earth, they couldn't find their brother. He faded from their priorities, everyone accepting that he was gone. But Castiel was angry. When he was alone he raged, hurt and angry that the brother he'd been so close to had left him, after all they'd been through in the years, no saying of where he'd be or even a goodbye. His mentor, his friend, his big brother. And he hadn't even been worth a goodbye. Perhaps no one so great had loved Castiel in the first place.

Castiel never forgot his brother, but he did shove him into a far corner of his mind where he didn't have to think on him, of the things they'd shared, of his betrayal. The angel came to be known for his grim determination, for getting the job done. He was put in a garrison with one of his close friends, Uriel. After their Captain tore out her own Grace and fell, Castiel was promoted to Captain of the garrison. He became close friends with another soldier, Balthazar, and he formed his own web of friendships amongst his brothers.

After some years he was given the orders to save a young human man from Hell, a righteous man, to stop the first of the seals to Lucifer's cage being broken. The seal that would be the catalyst for the Apocalypse. But they were too late. The seal had broken along with the Man. Castiel was given the order to plunge in to Hell anyway and raise the man, this Dean Winchester. After they emerged he sent out the call. "Dean Winchester is saved."

His next orders were to guard the humans in his charge, the two Winchester brothers. But in doing so something strange happened. Castiel began to care for the humans in his care. And other strange things began to happen. His brothers were doubting, warring amongst themselves. Angels killing angels. And some angels wanted the apocalypse to happen, for Lucifer and Michael to have their fight. Castiel was punished in Heaven for trying to tell the Winchesters the secret of the final seal.

And the one thing Castiel thought he would never do happened. For Dean, because of Dean, he rebelled against Heaven. Castiel fell, much like Lucifer before him. But it was too late. Lilith had been killed. Lucifer walked freely on the Earth once more. But after God-father, brought him back, he decided to do all he could to help Dean and Sam stop Lucifer from killing buckets of people, to stop him form bringing Hell to Earth. Even if it was a hopeless, insane task.

* * *

Now here he was, searching for the Winchesters again. They'd been missing for several days and he'd finally tracked them to a ramshackle warehouse. When he stepped inside he realized something was definitely wrong. And he was probably given that idea by the Japanese game show Sam and Dean were trapped in.

"Cas?!" Was the first thing he heard, after the strange rhythmic clapping. Then Sam saying, "Is this another trick?"

Cas looked at Dean. "It's me. What are you two doing here?!" The Winchesters, he thought. Only the Winchesters.

"What are we doing here? What are you doing here?!" Dean asked back.

"Looking for you. You've been missing for days."

He heard Sam on his other side, his voice strained with pain. "Well get us out of here then!"

Cas stepped forward. "Let's go." He snapped his fingers to take them all out of here, but nothing happened. Sam and Dean were nowhere around, and he was in a dark room. "Dean?" He asked, but he received no answer. That is until he was being attacked from all sides by the shadows. This didn't feel like a trickster. A trickster wouldn't know what to attack an angel with that could hurt. Cas put it out of his mind, setting himself to fighting out of wherever he landed to get back to Dean and Sam.

Finally Cas emerged into a different place. Much brighter, the colors so much more vivid. He ran toward the motel, guessing that to be the place Sam and Dean would be. He walked through several doors finally finding the right one, relieved to find them both standing there.

Dean immediately asked with concern, "Are you okay?!"

"It doesn't matter." Was Cas' brisk reply. It was just a few cuts, nothing big. "I don't have much time."

"What happened?" Sam asked him.

Cas was exasperated. The thing could be here any minute. "Listen, something is not right. This thing is much more powerful than it should be."

"What then, the trickster?" asked Dean.

"If it is a Trickster."

"What do you mean?" But before Cas could answer Sam he was thrown back into the wall. Out of time. It was here.

"Ayooo!" The Trickster yelled as he made his entrance. He addressed the audience, "Than you, thank you." Cas felt tape suddenly exist firmly over his mouth, and he looked at the Trickster. Cas' eyes widened. No, he thought. It can't be. Cas stood, eyes narrowing to a glare at the Trickster as the realization set in. "Hello Castiel!" He said jovially, before flicking his fingers and sending him away again. Back to fighting the shadows. But he was putting together the pieces now. The reason the Trickster was so much more powerful than he should be. The fact that he wasn't a Trickster at all.

When Cas found himself back in the warehouse, the real one, he was faced with his brother trapped in a circle of holy fire.

"Cas, you okay?" He heard Dean ask.

"I'm fine." Cas' attention was trained squarely on his brother. "Hello, Gabriel."

Gabriel gave him a thin-lipped smile. "Hey bro. How's the search for Daddy going? Let me guess. Awful." The Archangel's voice was sardonic. Cas just stared at him, not letting his barely contained rage show as Gabriel mocked him.

"Okay, we're out of here." Cas heard Dean say again. Cas saw them turn and walk toward the door out of the corner of his eye, but kept his eyes on his brother, where he could see regret, grief in his old eyes. Cas turned as he watched Sam walk by, listening to Gabriel.

"Hey, guys? Guys? Are you just gonna leave me here? Heh? Just gonna leave me here forever?"

Cas wouldn't have lifted a finger, but Dean did. "No, we're not. Cause we don't screw with people the way you do. And for the record, this isn't about some prize fight between your brothers, or some destiny that can't be stopped. This is about _you_ being too afraid to stand up to your family!" Cas saw the hurt cross Gabriel's eyes again as Dean's words hit home. Dean turned away, breaking the glass and pulling the fire alarm. "Don't say I never did anything for you."

Cas heard Dean and Sam leave the building, but he lingered a moment, locking his eyes with Gabriel's. Cas thought of all he'd wanted to say, to call him a coward, to ask Gabriel why he'd left, demanding to know why he never contacted Cas. Cas had thought he'd been special to his brother. He wanted to know if Gabriel had ever loved him. But overwhelming all of that was a feeling of sadness for his ancient brother. Lost, alone, with no family to turn to without giving up his cover. Wanting nothing more than the fighting to end so he can come home and be with his brothers in Heaven again, happy like they were before. So Cas said nothing. But when Gabriel broke their eye contact, Cas turned and walked out the door, not glancing back at his beloved brother, but wishing so much that he could find the words.

Gabriel looked at his little brother. When last he'd seen him, he'd been and angel just coming out of fledgling, becoming the great soldier he was meant to be. But before him was a fully fledged angel, powerful, grim, a fighter. Gabriel regretted he hadn't been there to save the angel's smile, to help him keep his joy. He was almost afraid Castiel would say something, because Gabriel knew his little brother had developed a knack for saying just a few words and cutting someone to the bone, to make you feel defeated without lifting a finger. Yet Castiel said nothing. Just continued to stare into his eyes, his vessels blue eyes piercing Gabriel.

But Gabriel couldn't help but be proud of his brother. He had the guts to risk everything to fight for what he believed in, something Gabriel himself didn't do. Little Cas was stronger than Gabriel, an Archangel, had ever been. In his eyes maybe stronger than any of the Archangels had been. Maybe not in raw power but in moral compass, in the strength to know what's right. He'd rebelled against their family to do what was right, fought and died for what he'd believed in. And Gabriel had only ever run away. And he suddenly felt ashamed because his little brother was forced to be the big soldier, alone much like Gabriel, but Castiel had found a family in the Winchesters and fought for them. Found people to love and trust completely, which Gabriel himself never found, not even in Kali. And Gabriel looked away, no longer able to look his baby brother in the eyes.

Left alone in the warehouse he thought back to that time so long ago, standing on a beach with Castiel and watching a fish pull itself out of the water. He'd put his arm around him, telling him, "Don't step on that fish Castiel. Big plans for that fish." Castiel smiled and they both watched in wonder as the fish doggedly crawled out of the water and across the sand. And though they knew the fish would be important they couldn't imagine the scale, or the feeling of being a part of it's plan, wound up without realizing it.

And neither of them had known that was the last time they'd see each other. And all the words and wounds between them would never be said or healed, and Gabriel would never tell Castiel he was sorry. And Castiel would never tell Gabriel that he forgave him. Because they were still brothers. And they would always love each other. Even when it hurt, and was inconvenient, and they didn't want to. And nothing could break that bond.


End file.
